I don't know what to say here. I haven't been writing much lately... which sucks. I don't know really why. I've been living a lot of life and thinking a lot or escaping a lot in the last... 2 years or so, I guess. Seems like a perfect writing mindset, but...
I don't know what to say here.
I have loved and fought and lost and loved again and been proven wrong and lost and am drowning in love currently... oh this love. this is that love. the one... and it is causing... overwhelming panic. Overwhelming panic. Good fucking god, how did I let myself get here? Overwhelming panic... mixed in with overwhelming happiness...
And yet...
I'm just not sure what to say here.
I can write something pretty, from the very depths of my stupid, weak, romantic heart. This stupid heart. "What does your irrational heart tell you?" he asks... "I don't want to listen to my irrational heart, she's a tried and true fuck up." Tried and true. Overwhelming panic. I listened to my irrational heart...
I can say that I am sitting on a couch adjacent to my bed in my "cave" studio apartment, and you, well, you're a little sick and sleeping in that bed. I'm listening to love songs on my headphones and feeling lovedrunk... real drunk... the overwhelming panic... and I'm trying to pull myself together. Because for fuck's sake. And you... sometimes you move. You breathe heavier and snore a little, and turn over. Your sweet smell and your sweet, soft breathing... You woke up abruptly for a minute... I asked you if you were ok. You asked me if I was... good god, can you read me in your sleep? What is happening? No, what has happened? Did this happen? Is it real? (Please be real. Please.)
Breathe, turn, panic, love... Love. love.
This made very little sense. I just don't know exactly what to say.
