Friday, November 10, 2017

Louis C.K.'s Statement Matters

Thoughts on the Louis C.K. response. It's a long one. 
I've been thinking on this a lot today, and I've been thinking of all the other sexual assaults coming to light, now, and previously, and comparing and contrasting and thinking and thinking. 
So here's this statement by Louis C.K., this owning up for his actions, and apologizing, and a seemingly thoughtful self-reflectiveness presented. And I see a lot of women saying - so the fuck what? His PR person told him he better write something like that, and quick, and save his ass. I get that reaction. But. 
So, most of us have heard about these allegations about him for awhile, and as far as I remember, he never spoke to it, till today. Certainly, the current climate forced his hand - he didn't just come out one day on his own accord and say, yeah, ok, I did that and I'm an asshole. But... he did do that today, and what he says is 1,000% better a response than I've heard out of any other person accused lately, or ever, that I can think of. 
Does that excuse his creepy-ass predatory actions? No.
However... I would encourage us all to remember that we ALL live in this patriarchal society, and that whether you like it or not, it has affected the way you move through the world, the way you process things, the way you interact with others. Men included - we were all taught men have the power - this mind-fucks us all in vastly different ways. It is hard work to re-program your mind, to let go of gender norms, to let go of sexist ideas, even if you are a feminist, and especially if you are not (remember, men and women and all other gender identities can be feminists). 
The reason I've decided to keep a more open mind in regards to Louis C.K. is this letter. He's a real mess of a guy, and he committed some inexcusable acts. But in this letter he takes accountability for it. He names the women he abused, and he apologizes TO THEM. He speaks directly and specifically about how he abused his power to act out in ways that were damaging to them, and how he should have known and done better, and speaks to his remorse.
Is he bullshitting us? Maybe... but I'll let you in on a little secret - I don't care.
What matters is what public figures say publicly. That's what changes the narrative of our society, that's what kills stigmas - and those outcomes are what I really care about. (And I certainly hope he has already stopped or will now stop abusing people).
When President Obama announced he was in favor of gay marriage, many people said, "oh sure, NOW he is, and oh, what a political move, that's such bullshit"... and I thought, who fucking cares? If he goes home at night and tells Michelle, gosh I really hate the idea of same sex marriage, blah blah blah - doesn't matter to me, that's none of my business. What matters is that he told the world that same sex marriage is something that deserves support, that he was for upholding the rights of those citizens. That changed the narrative in a major way!
Yes, I'd love for these people that I have admired and been a fan of to be great people, but let's not be so naive to forget that celebrities are no more than humans too. They're messed up. And if they're terrible people, well, that's disappointing - but if they're willing to stand up publicly and do and say the right thing, in such a way that it can change the expectations of a society, the way a society collectively thinks and behaves for the better? Then great. Perfect. I applaud that course of action.
So - I appreciate the tone and message in this letter - it's not quite perfect, but it is lightyears ahead of the rest, and I think it truly matters.