Patricia Arquette used some crazy phrasing AFTER her awesome Oscar speech the other day, and now everyone wants to paint her as the asshole entitled white feminist. I think she just tripped on her words and meant to say - hey, all of us in minority groups, being made less than in this society, let's back each other up. And maybe she was also saying - hey, have feminism's back for once, ya dicks - because you don't see a lot of other groups jumping up to do that, and no one is really giving a shit lately (including these awful anti-feminist women who defy logic). There is a lot of press for Gay Rights, and a lot of press for Civil Rights, particularly with all this awful police brutality being brought to light - but women's rights? Kind of just not important it seems.
Now, this "white feminism" thing is a big problem for me - anyone else feel like this is just a really good way to cause divisiveness among women as a whole? My ex used to say, "One thing is one thing..." which drove me fucking nuts, but really, applies logically to so many things in life. We overlap and argue and mix ideas and points on issues so much, that we make the waters incredibly murky. We forget what it was we were after in the first place.
No shit the life of a black woman is different from that of a white woman, and a gay woman is different from a straight, and an older woman different from a young, and my experience as a white girl is much different than your experience as a white girl (if you are one) and so on and so forth.
Privilege. A funny thing. I in no way deny that I am privileged - though it was something that I had a hard time coming to terms with for many years (as it tends to be for most white people, for various reasons). For me, the problem was my upbringing was not one of privilege. I was primarily raised by a single mother, who taught me you gotta be self-sufficient and work as hard as you can and life isn't fair. We were constantly moving - I watched my parents fight furiously at a very young age (many explosive fights, break ups, then moves) - and then after a momentous fight where the car windshield got busted out, they called it quits. My mom and I (and for awhile my brother) lived in low-income housing (most my neighbors and little friends growing up were not white), living around immigrant families, weird neighborhoods, having neighbors with drug problems - even saw my Mom get in a fight with a neighbor of ours that was a coke addict. Times were hard on my mom, and in turn on me. A bit later, I watched her put herself through a BA and MS program, while raising a child, alone. I never lived in a house we owned, and for that matter, rarely ever lived in a house, but instead apartments, though I have also lived in a car, motel room, and other people's basements. I could go on, but the point is, the stereotype of rich white girl who was given everything and loves fall, her Uggs, and pumpkin spice lattes - well, that ain't me, that has not been my life. My privilege was a hard pill to swallow because I never felt privileged, not until I was better educated and could see what it truly meant - that despite my personal experiences, because I was white, people and institutions would always assume certain things about me, oblige me in certain ways, treat me with a certain kind of care that others did not get. Also, because I am a straight woman, I am attached to a type of normalcy that makes people feel safe, and so though I walk down the street hand in hand with a Mexican-American man (and yes, we do get looks occasionally, if you can believe that shit), he is still a man - we are a hetero couple. There is privilege in that too. So I get it, and I guess it still can be hard for me to get my head around sometimes - personal experience and all - but I do own it. I own my privilege. But one thing is one thing.
Because I also am painfully aware that, because I am a woman, people and institutions assume certain things about me. Treat me with a certain type of disdain, or dismissiveness. I am less. I am not even thought human enough to make choices regarding my own body. I am not thought human enough to be paid on par with men in this world. I am not thought human enough for people to think rape, in all it's variations, is still rape and an atrocity - instead government bodies, composed of mostly men, who combined have raped god knows how many women in some way - they are going to tell me whether or not I've been raped. Or her. Or her. Or you.
This is my lucky experience as a white American female. Women of color, black and latina women in particular, make even less money and are generally treated with even more disdain. I know this and I do not pretend to not understand it. I am not an idiot or incapable of using my powers of observation, critical thinking, and shit, I have plenty of friends that aren't white girls. So don't come at me like I don't know. But one thing is one thing.
Chris Rock gave a really amazing interview - so many awesome, brilliant remarks on everything from comedy to race, I really recommend you check it out (link below) - but one part of it really got me thinking, and then annoyed. He said white people need to own their actions (slavery, structured racism, segregation, lynchings) - "Not even their actions. The actions of your dad." Now, I get where he was going with that, but man - first of all, it just is so illogical on so many levels. Own those actions how? Shit, my family didn't live in the South or own slaves ever - now I know that all of America was and is guilty for slavery, for ignoring it for so long, for subsidizing it and making it a necessity by buying the goods manufactured off of toil of unfree people. Same thing that sponsored the bullshit situation of share-cropping on through history, keeping black people impoverished to this day. Yes, these things are attached. Aside from not ignoring that all this exists and still effects us, and is evident in this country in a huge way, and therefore continuing to keep chipping away at it - what is there to do?
My second question for Chris Rock is - would you, as a man, be willing to do the same for the ladies? Is it not fair, from his line of reasoning, to then ask him and all other men to own up to their actions against women? All the cat-calling, rape, abuse, oppression, murder, forced child-bearing, forced raising of said children alone, inability to vote, inability to participate in sports, the to-this-day-fact that we are believed by a large enough majority to be so under-qualified at everything in comparison to men that we do not garnish an even wage at any job, from janitor to engineer to movie star? That often we still cannot make choices (still!) about giving birth and in many other countries, women suffer acid attacks, stonings, and much worse? All of this illustrates clearly the place the world has given us - all women. ALL WOMEN. We are the only minority group that no matter where we go on Earth, we will still be the minority - we will still be thought of less. If I go to Africa, or Mexico, or India, or Korea, or England - I will always be a woman and I will always be considered less than a man, even if not in someone's conscious brain. I understand that subconscious belief because society has so strongly drilled it into my own head, that even now, as I write this, I hesitate as I think of all the ways in which people might think I'm bitchy, or overreacting. Being dramatic. Whining/complaining/nagging. Come on woman, it's not that bad. I almost second guess myself, which is a blessing in a way. If I did not, it would not be so apparent to me how big the problem is.
Everyone should fight for their rights - as a very smart woman told me today, we're all just looking for autonomy out there. I am into that for everyone, and hope soon everyone can support each other there (yeaaahhhhh - outlook bad on that for now). But I do not appreciate the separation between women, and again, I feel like it's "them" (media, society?) plotting against us. If they can separate it into black v white v brown v gay v straight, and have us all yelling at each other about how "you don't understand what it's like!" - then they continue to win. And we continue to lose. I own my privilege, and I own my oppression. But one thing is one thing.
Links to articles sited, and an awesome feminist rant by George Carlin that you should REALLY listen to.
Patricia Arquette thing (one of so many articles):
http://i100.independent.co.uk/article/patricia-arquette-has-responded-to-that-oscars-controversy--gkmk0sygae
Chris Rock interview:
http://www.vulture.com/2014/11/chris-rock-frank-rich-in-conversation.html
Interview written by Black Feminist to White Feminist that also irritated me:
http://www.forharriet.com/2015/01/sht-white-feminists-say-to-black.html?m=1#axzz3REzpt5iG
George Carlin awesome feminist rant:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J7Akwy4pxF0
