Loss and Losing - the difference

I had a friend I lost, his name was Eriq. Eriqua. Qua. He was murdered. Actually he was murdered on this very day, one year ago. I had just seen him a couple of weeks prior, and a couple of weeks prior to that, both for friends birthday celebrations. And then he was gone. One moment here, one moment gone.

This is so incredibly difficult to process, obviously on an emotional level, but for a person's brain as well. It can't keep up. It keeps making you think your friend is still out there, but you're just not seeing them right now. And then you remind yourself, or it strikes you out of the blue - NO FOOL, this person, this tangible, living, breathing, loving, nellying (in Eriq's case) hilarious being is no longer here. It takes the wind right out of you.

We had gotten some details surrounding Eriq's death, nothing I'll share here, but for me, I couldn't stop thinking about that. Creating a vague scene in my mind. I felt he must have been scared, and picturing that, my sweet friend scared thinking, this is it? this is the end? what? why?  ...broke my heart more than anything. It made me angry. It MAKES me angry. He went out to have a fun night, maybe meet a guy... and just met a really bad one. So many of us have made similar choices and not ended up dead. Of all the people, of all the ways to go... so again, processing this information. Questions. Disbelief.  Even all this time later, I don't think my brain has caught up, I still have to remind myself that it's real, really think about it. It usually makes me cry. That is loss. It is permanent, and it is irreversible.

Losing is different. You live with losing for awhile. You may not see it coming initially, but once you realize it's there, you fully grasp it. You think about what to do about it - often referred to as "this situation" - you discuss it with your friends, if you can.

I have another friend, and I am losing her. Losing her to bad choices, a bad guy, to romanticizing a seriously fucked up, unhealthy, co-dependent situation. And I am pissed about it.
It's an interesting thing, losing. Like loss, often there is really nothing you can do about it, however, unlike loss,  losing is in motion, still happening. You are watching future loss as it's being created, and you are totally helpless to stop it.

My friend, I am sure, is pissed at me. She and I may never really have a friendship again - this is yet to be seen - because of my strong reaction to realizing I'm losing her. I've had experience with this type of "situation" and I know how it pans out 90% of the time. I know she's fooling herself and everyone else by thinking and acting like it's going to work out. I am angry at her for being disloyal. I am angry at her for fucking up and feeling entitled. I am angry at her for taking my friend away from me.

I AM ANGRY AT HER FOR TAKING MY FRIEND AWAY FROM ME. and making me watch. It's the kind of shit that makes you wish you never met someone, because living through losing them hurts so much.

Loss and Losing folks. Different things, though related. Both can kiss my ass.