I cannot in any way get to a place where I can articulate what is wrong with me which is so fucking frustrating I can't even express it - once again, can't say the words to describe the feeling.
Isolation. Lonely. Bored. Stuck. Nostalgic. Confused. Frustrated. Worried.
Put those together with some helper words and adjectives and maybe we'd have it.
I used to always have plans. And a plan. I used to be this wild little Colorado girl with adventure on the horizon and not a care or inkling of fear about what's next, what it might mean, who it could affect. Just go go go, live live live. Listen to the music, drive that car, feel the wind, drink the drinks, laugh, dance, converse. And I swore I would not lose that spirit, and it never occurred to me that it could get taken away.
I have no partners in crime anymore, and I don't know where to get some. Or if it's even appropriate to do so. Or if there is such a person or people in exsistence in this world.
What is wrong with me? Why can't I just settle into life and stop feeling unsatisfied? What in the fuck am I chasing?
It is a feeling of discontent so large and off-putting that I think I might lose my damn mind. Really.
Time to go home now, for another round of the same... the same...
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